Finally Saying Goodbye to Attack on Titan
10 years of trauma but it was well worth it.
On Nov. 4th 2023 Attack on Titan, the anime, came to an end.
10 years ago when I started AOT, I was in grad school and just starting out as a bookseller. I heard incredible things about this new anime that people promoted by saying, “I can’t say anything. You just need to get a few episodes in.” Sure enough, Eren, the main character, is brutally eaten by a titan in front of his friend Armin leaving the audience completely shocked. From there, I was hooked because whatever expectations I had, I knew this show was going to subvert them. It did just that for the next decade.
While AOT is only 4 seasons (or 89 episodes), each season had a long wait in between. Hajime Isayama, the creator of the manga that the anime is based off of, was not sure the series would take off. To his surprise it did, and he had to finish the manga before the anime could finish as well. So we spent years waiting on Isayama to make enough content for the animation studios to turn into anime. Much of one’s time as a fan of AOT was spent, well, waiting. Whether it was for the manga chapters or the animation.
So, after years of investment, I finally got to see the end of the journey of genocide, sacrifice, history, violence, lies, and love.
I’m not going to even try to rehash a plot summary for this show because we would be here all day so I’m trying to explain how I FEEL which has been a lot these last several days. When the final episode ended, I felt a sense of completion and was actually content with how well the story rounded out even if it ended on a depressing note for the future of humanity.
In an interview with the NY Times recently, Isayama commented on the ending:
I guess there could have been an ending where it was a happy ending and the war ended and everything was fine and dandy. I guess that could have been possible. At the same time, the end of fighting and the end of contention itself kind of seems hokey. It kind of seems like it’s not even believable. It’s just not plausible in the world we’re living in right now. And so, sadly, I had to give up on that kind of happy ending.
I don’t think there is a way for a story like this to have a happy ending and if he made one, it would be disingenuous. But there are happy moments. Even though Mikasa had to kill the love of her life to stop the eradication of humanity, we get to see her age from a distance in the credits. She has a family and is eventually buried beside Eren. Humanity does have a peaceful time which is shown in the background as the city grows and people come and go from the great tree. It’s fleeting but happiness is and always moments not a constant plane of existence.
It wasn’t until the next day and the days following that I was haunted by grief and loss. It might be silly to some of you for one to have such an emotional attachment to an anime but I truly loved these characters and I loved watching them grow. It was also a constant in my life for a decade. No matter what I was going through or where my life was at, AOT would be there at some point to take my mind off everything.
Like any great anime, the show didn’t paint a clear picture of who was “good” or “bad” - everyone was a victim of circumstance. Characters like Reiner who you hated at the beginning for attacking civilians, you were cheering for in the final episode. Eren, who was presented as the main protagonist, becomes a war criminal and commits genocide. Do we still love Eren at the end? Do we feel bad for him? We do. It’s complicated because we shouldn’t but we also know he loves Mikasa and Armin. I identify my feelings with Mikasa. Not in the romantic sense or her intimate connection with Eren but more she knew that Eren’s death was the “right” thing even if she would be heartbroken for years.
AOT is also clever and I feel clever might even feel too cheap of a word for how involved the storytelling is/was for this series. You could be like how did this show that we see in Season 1 become what it is by Season 4? On the surface level they look radically different but the plot was there the whole time. Isayama knew the ending long before he knew how he would get there and that it would all circle back. If you rewatch the first season, you can catch hints at what is to come that would seem irrelevant to the viewer in the first viewing. Like steam coming off of Eren early on denoting his Titan ability before we even knew that was a possibility. If you try to look for plot holes, you will come up empty handed. The story is air tight even the more involved it gets over time and that is a feat to itself. We can be forgiving of plot issues with fantastical storylines but Isayama covered all his bases. It’s testament to how great of a writer he is.
So what now? I don’t know - there is an emptiness inside of me. Truly. AOT is not like FullMetal Alchemist Brotherhood that I can rewatch for comfort. There is nothing comforting about AOT due to the amount of trauma it unleashes on the viewer. What kept us here was the incredible storytelling and fully realized characters. So many of my favorite characters suffered horrible deaths in this damn show! I can only relive it a few times.
I may rewatch it all again in a few years when time has erased some of the surprises from my memory. Maybe I can have the opportunity to show someone new the powerhouse that was this series. Eren and Mikasa will take up part of my mind forever and much like the final scenes of the show, it's time to say goodbye. But boy, will I be heartbroken for a little while longer.